Read this next: Our best work on getting the most out of your reading and thinking better.Chapter 1 Going Deeper How to Win Friends and Influence People : Summary and Review Like our weekly newsletter, Carnegie’s book is full of timeless wisdom and insights that you can use at work and home. If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own. He only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity. When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. That reminds me of this famous quote by Thomas Carlyle: “A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men.” People are Emotional But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving. Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain-and most fools do.

Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment. CriticismĬriticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Here are the other points Carnegie makes worth noting.

Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”

Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.

Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.

Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.īe a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment.

Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.

Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.

If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

Show respect for the other person’s opinions.

The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.Encourage others to talk about themselves.

Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.Become genuinely interested in other people.Arouse in the other person an eager want.A brief, no fluff, summary of Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People.

How to make friends and influence